Two lost boys

This is my other narrative. and am really like how i can make my stories up I will like your feedback 

WALT write what happens before during and after the event in the image.

Success criteria:

• Write in the third person using language such as he she him her them their
• Use a hook at the beginning to engage the reader
• use interesting words
• Use detail

“Why did you throw the map away”replied louis?

louis said to tom “It’s midnight and it’s really cold and windy and we are in the  woods”.

Tom is 8 years old and he was short, and got long blonde hair and has blue eyes and he was silly and not irresponsible with stuff but his brother louis was 13 and a lot taller than tom and he got brown hair and blues eyes like his brother and he was responsible and good with cars,matches, and fire .

Tom felt upset that he lost the map and had no food he was striving and sad and his stomach started grumbly and louis felt something hard in his pocket and he pull it out and he said “Hey tom I got some chocolate in my pocket” and then tom said “can you please pass me one because I’m starving then louis gave one to tom and louis eating it and after they ate it.

then louis said he was frightened  because it was really dark then tom said to louis “I’m so sorry that I throw the map away would you forgive me”? then louis said “I forgive you brother.”

Than they heard lots of footsteps coming towards them from the wood.

Tom saw a mysterious face and he replied to louis “I think that our father over in the wood” and louis replied“I don’t think so” and then tom said “no that is our father” replied tom.

The brothers saw a rescue team coming to save tam with their father and then they said “yes we are saved now we can go home”!!!!!!!!.